This work is personal for me. I have had chronic pelvic pain since I was a child. My first sexual experiences were extremely painful and isolating. Was this the sex I saw in movies? I thought I was supposed to keep finding ways to have it look more like that. I felt like a failure at sex. It was too difficult to feel the shame and perceived disappointment of my then partner so I switched to only having one-night-stands for years, totally giving up on the possibility of my own pleasure. My early adulthood was pickled with tons of gynecologists and semi experimental but largely ineffective treatments. Because the wisdom of my body was never consulted. I was never really included in the treatment plan.

 

My pain got more complicated with a diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis in 2010, which affects my sexuality in ways that neurologists never brought up. I was in a loving relationship for ten years but we did not have the tools to expand our repertoire in ways that would be accessible and pleasurable for us both. My doctors and Google were not addressing the myriad complicated ways that pain and illness and trauma were affecting my most intimate relationships: with myself and my primary partner. I was not doing enough work to understand abuse and racialized trauma. We stopped having sex and grew apart and ultimately got a divorce. 

 

It was then that I decided that there had to be more for all of us, that I may have chronic pain and illness but I would be damned if that meant I also did not get access to pleasure. I explored dance and the healing power of conscious touch through trauma-informed, wheel of consent based workshops. I worked my way through this newness slowly and somatically. Four years ago I took a deep dive of faith into the expansive world of breath, movement and sound that is neo-Tantra. My pain and illness began to improve. I had penetrative sex with very little pain for the first time. I knew I was on to something. 

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When Neo-Tantra reached it's limit of trauma informed knowing to hold me and my comrades fully in our somatic awakening, I became a Sexological Bodyworker through The Sea School of Embodiment. My primary gig is now as a Somatic Sex Educator and bodyworker specializing in working with individuals and partnerships who may have some odds stacked against them but are curious and faithful enough to wonder if there is more out there for them. I believe my transformation is one that all beings can make. I believe you are here because you sense that too.

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I envision a world where everyone is able to fulfill their healing needs. Where we build our skills and share freely with one another. Where the Queer community and BIPOC folx have equal access to feeling and expressing their sexuality. Where self-healing is not seen as self-indulgent but rather a necessary step for social change. Where we allow the expansive capacity of the Universe to hold healing for us all, that in fact demands it for the other in order to be truly felt in our own bodies. A world where we are eager to say and do the difficult things to allow others to get more FREE.